Happiness is in your ability to love others ~ Leo Tolstoy
Have you ever wished you could meditate but just didn’t know where to start?
There’s a reason for that! When people talk about meditation, they sometimes make it sound as if there were just one type. But there isn’t, there are so many types: mantra meditations, breath meditations, sound meditations, concentration meditations, awareness meditations, visualization meditations, compassion meditations and the list goes on! Each was designed with a specific purpose. Interestingly, research is showing that different types of meditation indeed may have different impacts…
During my dissertation research at Stanford, I learned that many people don’t feel connected to others and that this low sense of connection impacts their health and well-being tremendously (here’s a post I wrote on that). Studies also show that compassion is a key ingredient to our health and well-being but that, sadly, we’re not always as kind to others as we would like to be.
Worse yet, we’re not always kind to ourselves. Self-criticism is psychologically destructive. On the other hand, self-compassion – the opposite of self-criticism and self-loathing – is incredibly healing and leads to resilience (see the benefits that I wrote up in this post).
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That’s when I found out about Loving-Kindness Meditation, whose purpose is to make people feel more connected and kind to others as well as to themselves. There was very little research on loving-kindness meditation at the time we started our research. So my fabulous colleague Cendri Hutcherson and I launched a 5 year study of loving-kindness and examined its impact on well-being, happiness and the brain. 100s of participants went through our studies and we found some really interesting data!
For one, loving-kindness meditation makes you feel closer to others, even strangers. And this happens not just consciously (as in you noticing that you “feel closer to this person”) but also on a deeper level (in that you automatically react more positively to people). We also found that it increases your feelings of happiness and well-being generally. For those of you who love to dig into the science, see our academic manuscript here. In another study (publication pending), we found that loving-kindness meditation makes you less self-focused (i.e. you have less thoughts about “me, myself and I”). And that’s a good thing, folks! Self-focus is associated with anxiety and depression. Our brain imaging findings (Yes, we did have people meditate while getting their brains scanned! Publication TBA soon!) also support these findings.
So what’s the bottom line? Loving-Kindness is good for you: it makes you feel happy, less focused on yourself, more connected to others and all of those things are good for your psychological and physical health. Heck, if you want a non-scientific addendum, here’s a story from my research days at Stanford:
During one of our studies, I monitored the participants (who were in another room) on a video screen to make sure everything was going all right (for an example of when things didn’t go right – take the day that, as soon as I left the experimental room, one of our participants decided to enjoy a giant cheeseburger instead of meditating! That’s why we have to have cameras y’all, it’s not that we’re creepers!). So one day, as I am monitoring what must have been the 113th Stanford undergraduate to participate in our study, I was surprised to hear a loud “Oh yea!” from the other room. I looked up at the video screen only to see the participant meditating with the biggest and most blissful smile on his face. He was just loving it!
After reading our findings, a number of people over the years have asked me to share the version of the loving-kindness meditation we researched so that they could practice it at home. And that’s a good idea: research by Barbara Fredrickson suggests that practicing this type of meditation daily can lead to substantial boosts in your happiness and well-being! I have therefore recorded it here so you can listen to it at home. It’s short (roughly 10 minutes) so it can be done anywhere, anytime. It’s free to you, so go ahead and download it, load it on your iPod or computer and give it a shot! Or just try it out on the link above or on the youtube link.
For even more on meditation’s benefits, check out my info graphic.
Your turn!
I would love to know how it impacts your days and your weeks! Please share your experiences with me in the comment section below!
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33 comments
Hi Emma,
I agree entirely with your findings on loving-kindness meditation . I haven’t tried that particular form of meditation yet but I definitely will and will give you feedback.
I’m 59 years old and have had a difficult life. About a year ago I discovered that I’ve had Social Anxiety Disorder for as far back as I can remember. Knowing this has helped me to understand myself better.
I was never a spiritual person. I went to a Presbyterian Sunday school as a child and we studied many of the stories from the Old Testament. My impressions of God were that he was mean,hateful and lacking of compassion for mankind.
So, as I became older, I found myself becoming more and more atheistic in my views.
I’ve always been a bit of a science buff. I had heard about the Unified Field Theory and decided to learn more about it on Youtube. That lead me to transcendental meditation which lead me to sanatana dharma. Now I don’t follow any particular religion but I’m finding Hinduism, Buddhism, and Christianity very enlightening and I feel they’re probably more interconnected than most people think.
So, I started meditating about 8 months ago. At first I tried the mantra method and the very first time I did it, I felt an inner sense of joy that made me realize that this meditation stuff is for real! I’ve since switched to a silent, breath focusing form mainly because my mouth would dry out from chanting for 30-60 minutes.
Over the last 8 months my whole perspective of life has been gradually but
consistently changing. Also I seem to focus much better, feel better about myself, have a renewed interest in life, feel calmer and more relaxed and am becoming more outgoing in my relationships with people and I’m finding my spirituality.
I have much more to share with you. I now feel so strongly about the benefits of meditation that I wish they would make it a requirement to learn and practice it in the public schools. It could be taught in a non-spiritual way but children could do it in a silent spiritual way if they so chose. The benefits to societies physical and mental wellness would be enormous. Hope to hear from you. -Harry Kreidenweis
Dear Harry, Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It brings me such joy to hear of how happy you feel! Glad to know meditation was such a tool in your well-being, many find it helpful and research does show that it makes a big difference! The good news is that many people are learning to meditate and schools are indeed introducing these techniques in a secular manner to help students find inner calm. Thank you again and happy meditating:)
A 12 year old, just introduced to loving kindness meditation, asks me, what’s the point? Tanu (her best friend, who has moved to a different city a year back) will not come back to my school just because I am sending her loving kindness wishes. She would not even know that I am wishing her. I don’t even have her phone number now!
As somebody who is initiating her into this meditation, how do I respond to this 12 year old?!
Hi! I’m interested to obtain the Lovng-Kindness video, how can I obtain? I tried with the option on the web: “Take Loving-Kindness On the Go” but I can’t. Thank you.
Hi Germán! Sorry it was tricky, can you try one more time?
That's some pretty tragic stuff in there, and I'm happy you're in a good place now. I felt I had to have that as a preamble before the main point of this comment, which is that your grandma's quote is fucking hillarious. "I mean, look at Boy Ge.toeg..&quor; I love it!
Hi Emma, I tried again but couldn’t download it.
Hi Emma,
A huge thank you for all of your work spreading kindness and the scientific understanding of compassion and happiness (including meditation, etc)! I’ve been reading all of your articles, following your Twitter feed and watching several of your YouTube videos for awhile, and you have an amazing gift to combine your scientific rigor with a level of kindness that’s very impressive.
Also, if it’s possible to have a web ‘techie’ check the page to see if they can get the Loving-Kindness audio file to download upon entering an email address, that would be fantastic. You have some fascinating variants in this version (relative to common Buddhist-based Loving-Kindness practices), and it would be wonderful to have this on the go to practice each day.
Thanks so much for your kind words! I apologize for this technological mishap, will get my website manager to look into this right away. Others have had problems too!
When I tried doing loving-kindness meditation with my 12 year old, she said, what is the point wishing for people when they would not even know that I have wished happiness and peace for them? What should be my response? How do I convince her that this “metta” actually reaches out to others?!
Thanks!
Hi Ray, You can just tell her that this practice helps her become happier and to feel more connected to others. You can ask her to think about what it’s like for her to feel a sense of love and affection for others versus a feeling of disconnect. She will undoubtedly prefer the former:) So tell her this helps to make her mind and her heart strong so she can always feel connected to others and help those in need while also taking good care of herself. Hope that helps, keep me posted!
I really enjoyed it, thank you so much. I’ve been practicing meditation for almost year and a half and I usually focus on compassion or mindfulness but while I was listening to you I realize the importance of the other side of the coin. I definitely will practice more often Loving Kindness meditation.
Thank you again.
Thanks so much Fernanda, so glad you found it useful:)
Emma, I am especialy interested in your research & findings re. Compassion & Stress.
Thanks!
Started listening to the guided meditation and had a problem. I was asked to bring to mind someone who loved me very much and got stuck right there… Nobody came to mind. I did loving kindness earlier with just bringing to mind someone that I love, feel inspired by or close to, or even a pet with whom I had a close bond. Does everyone else have someone who they felt loved them very much? Or have I heard the guidence wrongly somehow, and feeling loved that way wasn’t actually taken for granted?
Thank you, for this message of “peace”. It reminds me to guide my energy to stay “balanced” and “calm”. I appreciate all that you have shared at this website link/blog/newsletter format. You are a “Blessing”!
Thanks Rita, so glad you find it helpful!
Gili, I also had “trouble” with identifying someone who unconditionally loved me very much. It was easy to identify my husband, but then when I tried to add my mother to the other side of me, I realized for the first time in my 52 years that it wasn’t true! She loves me–in her own way–but it is a selfish and conditional love. And it always has been. Sometimes the meditation gives us insights and shows us something that has always been there but that we didn’t see before. I then realized that one of my aunts fit the description of one who loved me. Perhaps you can identify a friend, a relative, or a teacher? If you were raised by emotionally immature and unaware individuals, I don’t think it’s unusual to not be able to identify anyone. It’s not a reflection on you–it’s a reflection on them. Extend your loving kindness to them anyway–they could only give you what they had.
The guided meditation made me really depressed. I cant come up with any person who truly loves me, as she suggests. And when I think of the people around me, friends, I dont feel a lot of love.
Thank you Emma!, this is the perfect meditation, I love it very much and will encourage others to enjoy “A Gift of Loving Kindness Meditation! I cannot wait to experience it on a daily basis to enjoy the cumulative affect it will have on me and my life!
May I have a transcript of the loving kindness meditation?
Yes, I have wished meditate I want to do a lot of kindness work for people. Therefore, I am connecting with good deed organization for this.
Hi…I’m wondering how to use this meditation with a 9 year old who is, perhaps, too connected. He is very empathetic and can over-identify with the distress of others to the point that he gets so overwhelmed he is unable to act. I’d like to help him move from empathy to compassionate response or action.
Thank you so much for your 10 minute loving kindness meditation session. I am a nurse at a Job Corps center where I work with at-risk youth. Is there a way I can download your audio to use with this group of young people. They have been introduced to body scan meditation, discussion of kindness. This weeks meeting will be on writing a kind statement about the person to their right and left. I will then read their kind thoughts to the group as kind words from each to all. I would so love to inject your loving kindness meditation in this session. Would you be willing to share this audio? With appreciation.
Yes of course feel free to use it:) You can find it on Youtube too!
Glad to be reminded about CCARE, Emma
Good morning, Emma. I used to practice your loving-kindness meditation and I would feel great whenever I did it. However, I am afraid the meditation is not available anymore, and a ‘Oops, we couldn’t find that track. Soundcloud’ message appears. Could you do anything in order to solve that problem? Thank you very much in advance 🙂
Dear Emma – Thank you for this _beautiful_ loving kindness meditation. I have been just starting my practice and looking for guidance in it , and your recording was PERFECT. I’ve tried a few, and this is definitely the best I’ve found.
I love the emphasis on receiving love from people who really love you–and even all the people who love you. That definitely opened my heart and drew a loving response from me.
Thank you again!
Don
Hi Emma,
My dog died from post op complications of the removal of an ovarian cancer. Had I been more vigilant she would be alive. I feel tremendous guilt. As landing on your page from The Healthy Way to Forgive Yourself I started your video only to suffer increase guilt and pain.
How can I send warm wishes to someone who is dead when one is an atheist?
Hi,
Thanks for this wonderful article. I noticed the link to Hutcherson’s article isn’t working. it is this one by any chance? https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B2pBR20PBz_ITjFPdmp2em82VXM/view
(referenced in the 6th paragraph from the end: “For those of you who love to dig into the science, see our academic manuscript here.”)
Thank you
Lovely Ms. Emma,
It’s been years. I came across your site and had to reconnect with you. I’m so proud of who you’ve become. Do write back. Sending love.
Metta is my “root” practice. I first discovered it almost 6 years ago, when first establishing a regular meditation practice, and simultaneous with my discovery of Sharon Salzberg, in Susan Piver’s gem of a little book, Quiet Mind. It includes a CD with a “potpourri” of various guided practices. I started the CD, which first featured a Shamatha practice, then a choiceless awareness, then Zazen, then Metta with Sharon. One minute into the metta practice, I was crying like a baby. It had been so long since I’d extended a loving regard or aspiration to myself, and the sudden realization of that filled me with a very compassionate response, same as I would have for a friend or a small child who was withholding love from themselves. At the time, I’d experienced both divorce and the death of my mother, and was blaming myself for things on both sides of that. I’d beaten myself to the point of experiencing episodes of acute anxiety and panic. I experienced metta/lovingkindness as a very powerful and direct antidote to fear, anger, and anxiety, and I began to rapidly feel much better. I continue to practice metta as both a cultivation and concentration practice. And it’s very “portable”. You can practice it wherever you are .- at work, at a coffee shop, etc, sitting and generating the aspiration for happiness for strangers in stealth mode. 🙂
It looks like this link is “stale”. Do you still know where to find this particular practice? I’d love to try it.
Thank you for what you do, Emma!
Robert
Respected sister Emma,
Namaskar !
I am an Internal Medicine doctor and working in a rural medical college. I am interested in Meditation and doing Preksha Meditation . I am not an expert in it and I am not sure about my technique also. I want to deliver a talk to my resident doctor colleagues on meditation. I am very much impressed by your work and PhD in meditation. For me you are the academic authority on Meditation.
I request you to provide me some slides on benefits of meditation ( scientifically proved ), and technique of meditation ( ie how to do it ). It would be better if you could provide me an audio track to guide the audience , I would play it on my laptop .
Thanking you in anticipation and with kind regards.
Sincerely yours
Dr. C.P.Gupta, Asst. Prof. of General Medicine, GS Medical College and Hospital, Pilkhuwa, Distt. Hapur- 245304, UP, India
Phone- +91 8700206401, Whatsapp – +91 9013945390 , email : doccpg@gmail.com