Emma Seppälä, Ph.D.
  • Home
  • About
    • Bio
    • Contact
    • Speaking
    • Research
    • Press
  • Media
    • TV
    • Film
    • TEDx
    • Podcasts
    • Meditations
    • Infographics
  • Books
  • Topics
    • Productivity
    • Happiness
    • Inner Peace
    • Health
  • Contact

Emma Seppälä, Ph.D.

  • Home
  • About
    • Bio
    • Contact
    • Speaking
    • Research
    • Press
  • Media
    • TV
    • Film
    • TEDx
    • Podcasts
    • Meditations
    • Infographics
  • Books
  • Topics
    • Productivity
    • Happiness
    • Inner Peace
    • Health
HappinessProductivity

The Critical (but Tricky) Impact of Friendships at Work

written by emmamseppala March 22, 2018
The Critical (but Tricky) Impact of Friendships at Work

 How often have you had the following conversation at work?

How are you?

Good. You?

Fine.

It is a script we stick to even if we are dying inside.

It’s hard to build real connections with your colleagues if you never get beyond superficial chit-chat. And yet people who have a “best friend at work” are not only more likely to be happier and healthier, they are also seven times as likely to be engaged in their job. What’s more, employees who report having friends at work have higher levels of productivity, retention, and job satisfaction than those who don’t.

Many companies have tried to support office bonds through perks like ping-pong tables, free lunches, or corporate retreats, but the reality is that most of us don’t have close friends at work. In a survey by Pew and the American Life Project, just 12% of respondents’ closest ties were with people from their professional life. If we expand this to people who were significant in the respondent’s life, the results aren’t wildly different. Only 19% of the people surveyed had a significant relationship with a workmate.

This phenomenon seems to be particularly American. Going on a vacation with a coworker is virtually unimaginable in America — less than 6% of workers have taken their relationship with colleagues to this level. Research by Stanford professor Hazel Markus, author of Clash: How to Thrive in a Multicultural World, suggests that this fact is probably due to our cultural propensity towards fierce independence — rather than the interdependence characteristic of many other cultures. More than one in four Poles and close to half of Indians have vacationed with a coworker. Is there something that American workers are missing?

Research shows that, after food and shelter, belonging is a fundamental human need. Given that we spend between 8 and 9 hours of our day at work (not including commute time), we have significantly less time to fulfill our social needs outside of work. When we’re not working, we’re either dealing with family, errands, or trying to grab some rest when we can. The workplace, where we spend such a large portion of our time, is an ideal place to foster the positive connections we all need — not just for our well-being but also for our productivity and health.

That said, friendship at work is often tricky for a reason. It can be a mixed blessing; people who are friends with coworkers tend to perform better at work but they also report being more emotionally exhausted and having difficulty maintaining their friendships. When conflict (inevitably) arises among work friends, relationship conflict leads to negative outcomes in teams composed of friends, but positive outcomes among teams without prior friendships.

The difficult truth is it just may not be possible to have friendships at work without some degree of fallout. There are real entanglements that can arise when the boundaries between work and friendship become blurred. Work responsibilities need to take precedence over socializing. Managers and leaders need to continue being able to assign tasks and role hierarchy does need to be respected. Performance evaluations need to happen authentically and honestly. Competition is often part of workplace culture — will you or your peer get promoted? — which can lead to lack of trust or willingness to get too close. After all, how would your friendship fare after you become their manager?

Alongside these factors is a fear of being vulnerable, of disclosing too much in case this disclosure makes you look weaker or less competent — worse yet, you might get thrown under the bus for it.

Finally, the need to look and act professional creates a desire not to get too informal or familiar with anyone else — after all, “professional distance” ensures that people will maintain respect for you. All of this can make friendship at work hard — or at least somewhat scary.

Maybe that’s why, despite the benefits of having friends at work, some people still choose to avoid it. Some just aren’t comfortable having real friends at work. They may benefit from a more formal relationship with their colleagues. And that’s OK. Many of the benefits that come from having friends at work likely emanate from values like vulnerability, authenticity, and compassion. Emphasizing these values, rather than the relationships, can allow workplaces to feel “friendly” even if there aren’t real friendships. Moreover, research by John Cacioppo, professor at the University of Chicago and author of Loneliness, shows that the true health and happiness benefits of social connection stem less from how many friends you have in your circle and more from how connected you feel to them (after all, you can feel lonely in a crowd). So nurturing that internal and subjective feeling of connection and friendliness is really most important.

While some people will always be hesitant to make friends at work, for these or other reasons, social connection is a basic human need. All friendships have hard moments. Work friendships just have different ones.

This article was first published on Harvard Business Review

The Critical (but Tricky) Impact of Friendships at Work was last modified: June 6th, 2018 by emmamseppala

Share this:

  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)

Related

friendshipHappinessproductivityworkworkplace culture
0 comment
10
Facebook Twitter Google + Pinterest
emmamseppala

previous post
Seriously Boost Your Happiness in 2018 With These Great New Books!
next post
Why Some People Always Look So Darn Young & How They Do It (Backed by Science)

You may also like

Emma’s TEDx Talk on Social Connection, Compassion &...

July 19, 2013

3 Highly Effective Ways to Give Critical Feedback

June 1, 2016

What to Do When You’re Competing with a...

February 6, 2019

5 Ways to Do Good and Feel Good...

August 7, 2012

Laughter Boosts Immunity, Mental Health, Learning + More....

March 26, 2020

Service, it Does You SO good!

November 15, 2010

18 Science-Based Reasons to Try Loving-Kindness Meditation Today!

October 28, 2014

Self-Compassion Outweighs Self-Esteem for Resilience & Empowerment

July 13, 2011

Our Loneliness Epidemic & What We Can Do...

June 21, 2017

How to Say No Like a Boss: A...

November 1, 2018

Leave a Comment Cancel Reply

About

About

Psychologist, Author, International Keynote Speaker

Yale School of Management
Stanford Center For Compassion And Altruism Research And Education.

Facebook Twitter Google + Instagram Linkedin Medium Youtube

Join over 15,000 Subscribers

Stay Updated on the Science of Happiness, Health & Success

The Happiness Track

Emma’s Magazine

Popular Posts

  • Feeling Anxious? Breathing Is Most Helpful, New Yale/Harvard Studies Show

    July 30, 2020
  • Most of Us are Managing Our Emotions the Wrong Way. Here’s What To Do Instead.

    March 30, 2020
  • Social Connection Boosts Health. Even When You’re Isolated.

    March 23, 2020
  • Four Ways to Calm Your Mind in Stressful Times

    March 10, 2020
  • 18 Science-Based Reasons to Try Loving-Kindness Meditation Today!

    October 28, 2014
  • Benefits of Meditation: 10 Science-Based Reasons To Start Meditating Today INFOGRAPHIC

    October 17, 2013
  • Benefits of Breathing: The Scientific Benefits of Breathing INFOGRAPHIC

    February 7, 2014
  • Connectedness & Health: The Science of Social Connection INFOGRAPHIC

    April 11, 2014
  • A Gift of Loving Kindness Meditation

    May 28, 2014

Tweets

My Tweets

About

About

Psychologist, Author, International Keynote Speaker

Yale School of Management
Stanford Center For Compassion And Altruism Research And Education.

Popular Posts

  • Feeling Anxious? Breathing Is Most Helpful, New Yale/Harvard Studies Show

    July 30, 2020
  • Most of Us are Managing Our Emotions the Wrong Way. Here’s What To Do Instead.

    March 30, 2020
  • Social Connection Boosts Health. Even When You’re Isolated.

    March 23, 2020
  • Four Ways to Calm Your Mind in Stressful Times

    March 10, 2020
  • 18 Science-Based Reasons to Try Loving-Kindness Meditation Today!

    October 28, 2014
  • Benefits of Meditation: 10 Science-Based Reasons To Start Meditating Today INFOGRAPHIC

    October 17, 2013
  • Benefits of Breathing: The Scientific Benefits of Breathing INFOGRAPHIC

    February 7, 2014

Join over 15,000 Subscribers

Stay Updated on the Science of Happiness, Health & Success

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google +
  • Instagram
  • Linkedin
  • Medium
  • Youtube

Copyright © 2017 Emma Seppälä, All Rights Reserved


Back To Top